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| The Portland Mercury - Comedy | | | | Sex and Sweats | | by Anonymous Dec 1, 2022 | | by Anonymous I can tend to hear about peoples multiple sexual partners and affairs mostly from watching Dateline. How? I don't get it. Me, I'm a monogamous person and I've only had two sexual partners, maybe three or four if you count foreplay in HS, in my 40 plus years on earth. So how does it work? I'm around people at work all the time. I've been out at night many a time, and these thoughts never enter my brain nor does the opportunity really ever come up. I like sex. I masturbate. But all at the same time, with sex it's always so anticlimactic after the climax, like, now I gotta go wash up. Sometimes, that's like what was the point? When did wearing sweats to work become so normal? Forget about simple things like errands or grocery shopping but going to a place of employment? Like, did these people interview in sweats? Oh yeah, I saw this dude running for the max with those pants below the ass. That's probably the dumbest thing ever though. He was like a waddling jester but just dumber. | | | | | Them Nasty Nightmares | | by Anonymous Dec 1, 2022 | | by Anonymous I get aggravated and feel disrespected when I dont get responded to. Could be for jobs but sometimes just general questions amongst friends or family. This isn't to do with dating but the idea would still apply. On the ghosted end, it seems like a simple thing to do for someone to just take a minute to say "I'm busy," or "I'll get back to you." I am thinking too, there is a level of "being cool" when you don't respond. It's "in" to not respond. Maybe it's to avoid confrontation? But really, a question of "can I do (this certain thing) today versus tomorrow?" be really that confrontational? Or again, it's like cool to play "hard to get." It doesn't seem that hard to do. I've even noticed on my end, I won't reply to some people in certain situations, although I do consider myself to be a responsive communicator which in turns means I'm being spiteful when I dont reply which I am because I'm not replying on purpose for some childish reason as opposed to "being busy." So what does it mean? Then I thought recently when I wasn't responding to someone, Yet I keep hearing from them, then twice in one day saying, "I guess I won't hear from you." But what if I might be dead? I mean even in family emergencies you could theoretically still reply. Its truly only in death, you cannot. So, why can't people simply respond? And why is the automatic response to when someone doesn't respond that they're avoiding you instead of like something real like being dead or on a plane, or in the jungle? | | | | | Fucking Honk | | by Anonymous Dec 1, 2022 | | by Anonymous I'm fricking lost walking on a windy neighborhood street near Oleson and Schols Ferry trying to find Allen in Beaverton. I did what Google maps told me. Turn left on Allen, coming to find later, I was supposed to go right on Allen. Google maps you're amazing but fuck you. Its daylight, but raining and I'm trying to get to work. I'm already stressed because I know I'm not where I'm supposed to be. My anxiety is faster than the cars buzzing by because there are no sidewalks on either side of the street. What do you want from me you fucking honk fuck? What the fuck do you want me to do? I'm trying to get to a major landmark to get directions as my phone is WIFI only. I turn down the wrong street and I could end up more lost. Blah. I could get hit. Yea, like I'm doing this on purpose you dumbass. Lord knows if I wave someone down for help that will get nowhere especially in this day of houseless, murderers, thieves, and suspicious people. Why couldn't you just swerve a little to the side to avoid me more like many other cars did? Not you. You fucking honk fuck. Fucking fuck you for making me more nervous. You wanna know something, I spent an hour and a half walking in rain to get to work. Fuck you. | | | | | |
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